the unusual events of my different lives at a catalyst

Posts tagged “love

The Host (Movie)


“Kiss me like you want to get slapped.”

– Wanda/Wanderer (in Melanie’s body)

Ah, I’ve been longing for a good post of a single review for a long time. I’m sure my blog even was longing for it too.

Recently, I have watched a lot of movies and I didn’t have a hard time in picking from which movie will I start. Somehow I wasn’t wanting to watch this and at the same time I want to. I guess it was out of curiosity that I was quite waiting for this movie to come out. Although, I am slightly taken aback for the fact that this was based on the novel written by the same author who wrote the overly luscious (to me, way before) and the famous vampire saga of all teenage time.

Just when my mum and I had time in our hands, my dad and bro in our capital city, and my mum longing for that bond we should always have, we decided to watch his movie which apparently, I have chosen it for us (instead of It Takes a Man and a Woman). Then with the large popcorn of cheese in between our seats and the  big screen in front of us, we were ready to zone out to the movie.

IF you don’t want to be spoiled and just want to know how good the movie is then please skip this part. **SPOILER ALERT**



Earth has been inhabited by an intelligent alien species known as “Souls.” Although an incredibly peaceful race, Souls can only survive by being inserted into a host body, taking control of their minds. In an effort to discover the secret whereabouts of some of the last remaining human resistances, the Soul Wanderer has been inserted into the human being Melanie Stryder (Saoirse Ronan), who was captured while attempting to locate her family. After insertion, Wanderer comes to realize an unsettling fact- Melanie has not faded away in consciousness, and in fact is putting up walls in her mind to prevent her family from being found. As time passes and Wanderer tries to break Melanie’s walls, she begins to feel sympathetic toward the humans Melanie loves so dearly- her brother Jamie (Chandler Canterbury) and her partner, Jared Howe (Max Irons). Wanderer becomes torn between loyalty to her own race, trying to give information to the argumentative Seeker assigned to her, and her blossoming love for the humans in her memories. As Wanderer’s and Melanies trust builds, they embark on a journey through the desert to find the resistance, nearly dying in the process. Wanderer awakens to find herself captive in the den of the enemy, and realizes her problems have just begun: the humans want her dead, the doctor wants to experiment on her, she may have accidentally lead the Seekers here, and she has become hopelessly in love with Jared, the man who belongs to the human she occupies. What follows is an inspiring story of friendship, love, and loyalty in which the bonds of human brotherhood are tested, and an alien discovers that in all the planets in the universe she has experienced, humans are the only race she would give her life to save. . . .


First off, I want to make myself clear. It’s sad to say though that I haven’t read the novel that Stephenie surprisingly written. Know for a fact that I was planning to but as time passed by, management of money was difficult and so was saving money. Apparently, with that, I couldn’t tell if the Director, Andrew Niccol, has ever brought justice to the book. I know. I know. I can hear some of you lot saying that it’s really better to read the book before you watch its movie. Honestly, to all you bookworms, I have abided to that rule ever since (except for Harry Potter though. Haha). This just kinda broke the record.

Anyhow, I thought of the movie quite alluring. It had that side sci fi to it. But anyway, it is alluring in a way that I wouldn’t doze off like how “some” people I know would (which is quite unsual for me to happen in a movie house). Again, I don’t know if the movie too brought justice to the book in terms of their actors and their acting.

I must say that Saoirse Ronan (acted as Melanie Stryder) really looks good in acting her role..though, I’m not exactly sure when it comes to just being a voice in the head. I don’t know why..maybe it’s just me, but don’t get pulled out because of that. For most, she at least brought us to laughter by how her voice tells her reaction to situations like when Wanda/Wanderer would kiss Ian (Jake Abel), Melanie’s voice was that of anger and it was funny to watch and listen. There are more of those and it came out nicely. It gives a side comedy to the film.

For the rest of the cast, I found out that there are some faces who are new in the industry and yet would bloom because of this film as supposed so. Well, we’ll never know that a pedestrian in the film would be a huge star the next. Of course, there’s always newbies per film production. If I’m wrong..then what I mean to say is most of the time there are newbies. Haha. Or sometimes…or..urgh!

The transitions of the scenes are great and understandable unlike a few films where there’s a jump and gaps unfilled and only left to stare at them on how the heck it would be like connected and in its glorious form. In English, at least, the movie is unlike those that jump from one scene to another without seeing any motivation or such drive to the next scene you’re seeing (you would have that “huh?” face).

There are scenes that brought some drops rolling down my cheeks because it touches the subject of “letting go”, sacrifice which is caused by love. Wanda, a foreign life form in the human race, had that connection with the humans where in the end, she would even sacrifice herself. Ugh. Such an ache in the heart and I just can’t! *cries quietly* This is what happens when you’re attached or you relate to the characters (but that ain’t a bad thing).

Ok. *sniff* Let’s talk about the texture of the movie. What I mean by texture is well…I always see that each movie has some kind of different feel or look and that’s what they call or I may call as the texture of the movie. I just like to point that out because even if it sounds insignificant, it actually affects how we see the movie, how real would it look like for us or how much it affects our imagination. You know, it’s a boost up point  in those horror or gore movies that makes us flinch.

One example, for a thriller/gore genre, is Final Destination. In all of the FD movies (and most gore movies), their similar texture is that of sharpness. Clear. The sharpness and clarity emphasizes the goriness of the film. Our inward or outward flinching would always be active. It wouldn’t make us flinch though if we put the texture that Twilight uses,  a hazy, misty look. No, nope, not a flinch when we watch Bella bleed after being bitten by a vamp (although, the texture became different in the next sequels because they were made by a different production team). Not a good texture for a Final Destination film. Just pragmatically speaking.

Anyway, after such a short lecture, let’s go back! The texture of The Host was sharp yet soft, clean and–I don’t know what correct term to use–bright. Bright in a way it makes the technology look more scifiish. Haha. It’s kinda similar to Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief…I think. I’m just rather commenting on how I see it and maybe bright may not be the right term. If you get to see the film, comment me of what may be the supposed correct term of what I meant..and even suggestions of the texture.


The costumes were nothing much I should meddle about. They were able to bring out the difference between alien overshadowed humans and normal humans. Apparently, the different kinds of sets were great and there was no confusion of where they are and how it affects the transition. Although, there are some where I feel that it was held in a closed space. Like where they were outside and it feels or looks like it’s in a big room filled with trees and a bunch of grass. I can point out one scene where the Seeker and Wanda were alone outside talking to each other (this is before Wanda & Melanie ran away). It just looks like a room. Well, other than that, in addition, the texture of the film was able to emphasize the futuristic tech of the aliens in the set.

Last but not least, music has brought justice to the film. The background music wasn’t much of a bother. It has supported the film well enough. The only thing bothering me was for them to use Radioactive – Imagine Dragons as one of their music. Although, I’m starting to accept it as an okay.

For not reading the book and just heck watched the movie out of curiosity, I found it one of the best sci-fi romantic films I have ever seen, not that I haven’t watched any movie even related to that genre (and lo’ and behold, I can’t recall a film).

I would surely recommend you guys to watch this *winks* It’s worth it.

Much love,

Megan x




So Much Things Going On


Alrighty then. I know what you’re thinking right now. OH! Look at missy i-thought-she-aint-posting-anymore girl. She’s posting already some…posts! (chuckles) Well, give me some  time as I slowly peep in and out of the hole I’ve been living in the writing wonderland. From time to time, I was thinking of writing some more posts but it always ends up in drafts (and now most of them have been deleted). So, no way am I starting anew or anything like that. Well, I was planning but that’s just darn right tiring.

You see, thrid year college here in Xavier University of Cagayan de Oro city in the Philippines (I’m sorry that was too sophisticated, I’m keeping up my writing juices :p), it’s typically tough…especially when you’re 19 years old, a Business Administration, Finance Major, and a Company Manager (we prefer to call it like that but majority of the school population and others refer to it as “President”) of the university’s resident theater organization (yes pressurepressurepressure). Surely, if you’re in my shoes, you know how hectic my schedule is that I got no freakin time to update my blog D: how sad..

Ok! After such a tiring third year, it’s SUMMER! Dance everyone! Whoop! Yes, it’s summer here in the Phil! Everyone’s been waiting for this. Now I can have some writing done, reading novels done, video editing done…and yeah (all…hopefully) done. Despite the fact it’s summer, I’m still busy as the Company Manager of our theater organization, Dulaang Atenista [DA] (have I ever mentioned before this org—oh, yeah, I did). We did some strategic planning, and at the moment, had some meetings with the officers, Artistic Director and some (or few *shrugs*) committed members.  More meetings to come! Hectic I tell ya! But at least this is only focusin’ on theater *smiles* love! love!

We are planning some summer activities and also plans for our upcoming 25th season! OHMYGUSH! DA is turning 25! And I’m the CM and I’m— *dead* (faints rather lol) So many things going on this year! Not only for my theater organization..but my life here and now, this year! Ah! Good and bad! A lot of things!

Hold up! Before I could tell you what I’m gonna encounter this year…

Since my love for One Direction has grown, I began to delve into the fanfiction guild of the fandom. Let me tell ya, I have come up a lot of in, a LOT of ideas! You should’ve seen my notebook (…of ideas). And the first idea, I surely want to focus on. It has come up to the point where I made a trailer of it. Although, it was supposed to be a sneak peek but it turn out longer than expected. I made it in one of those nights where I didn’t feel motivated to write (writer’s block). Unexpectedly, I finished it around 3 in the morning, I think. And come to think of it, I was winging with the clips, music and audio/voice-overs. You know, random! Right now, it’s already attracting a lot of Directioners and I shyly appreciate the comments about how nice it is (especially the comments where they said they cried watching it. ohmygush seriously?). The said fanfiction I was talking about is called “For The First Time“.

It’s a Niall Horan Fanfiction. I posted the trailer last year and now everyone’s been begging for me to post the story. Here’s the thing, I haven’t finished chapter one yet. Again, my college life is one hectic and rough ride. At least now, since it’s summer, I get to write. The creative feels and writer’s block is not helping me much though but it’ll be all good soon. After the For The First Time trailer, I made another trailer for a One Direction fanfiction of mine called Stolen Shot. 

I have more ideas but they’re never fully plotted or there’s no full gist you know. But anyway, because of the outcome of my trailers, other than comments in posting those fanfics, I was requested to do a trailer for a fellow directioner who’s following me in twitter. She’s sweet. The challenge though about her trailer was that I didn’t get to read her fanfiction in that time because it was Brazilian. I gave her my promise like I think, 2 months or a few weeks before I released her trailer. It was called “Querido Harry (Dear Harry)“.

Once she saw it, she was glad and it was what she envisioned. Although, I didn’t feel the enthusiasm because she was using all small caps. Eh, psychology in the text gets me. I didn’t get her full name though but you can see her or even follow her on twitter (click) and check out her story (click). It’s Brazilian though so make sure to use Google Translate…or whatever *smiles*

Ok! Now transitioning to what I’m going to encounter this year…!!

First..Ever since I posted the trailer, I had requests coming in. Right now, I have five requests. FIVE REQUESTS! Can’t you believe it?? (Although, I’m just prioritizing  four requests only) I’m starting to get worried that I might disappoint these people because I still have so many things to do. Although, I promised to push myself this summer into finishing these requests before summer’s over. Oh lawd asdfghjkl

These are 1D trailer request messages in my youtube inbox

These are just three 1D trailer requests messages in my youtube inbox

Next, one of the other things that I’m busy with, other than theater and making some trailers, I am focusing on writing my (already mentioned) fanfiction, For the First Time. I have been receiving a lot of “When is it posted?”, “Where can I read it?”, and “Where is it? I can’t find it” comments. It’s like majority of the comments. It didn’t bug me but I’m just annoyed that my creativity flows never have the right timing with my life schedule. When I finally have free time, I won’t have this motivated or inspired feeling to write (gush, this is so sad..).

I hope I won’t be like myself in the past where I do have lots of fanfiction ideas in a notebook or two for Danny Phantom (fan of it before, *whispers* even had a crush on the character *cough*) and never had much progress. Surely, my fanfiction account is long gone. I have to bring it to myself that I have to keep on writing and motivate myself. ‘Cause, what the heck, I want to be an author soon so I have to get a good move on.

For me to inspire myself, I thought of going to a place where I could breathe good vibes and linger in an atmosphere of the feels I want for my story or the feels that I needed to get my hands creating a satisfying story.  I then remembered Chingkeetea where I usually hang out with one of my closest best friends in the theater org.

In my first writing day there, it was quite noisy and I wasn’t satisfied with the partial outcome of my story (the prologue). I even tweeted about it, the ‘went to Chingkeetea’ part. And VOILA! Chingkeetea’s twitter account replied to me to come at 10 am to do writing because that’s when they open. Meaning it’s still peaceful and quiet, not much people around.

Surely, I found my sanctuary for writing, other than my room. My thinking bean bag doesn’t do much. It just makes me fall asleep. Or so it does when it’s night time. Hehe.

The thing about Chingkeetea is the good feel vibes (when there’s no people around) and the songs they play. I always hear And The Boys – Angus & Julia Stone play whenever I enter the milk tea shop. They play from Angus to Regina Spektor. It gives me that feel that I feel when I see those vintage kind of photos I see on Tumblr.



To even add to my inspiration tank before I enter my “sanctuary” (kudos!), I even once in the first few days, went to a book store, and a convenience store. Plus, when in my “sanctuary” (lol) I gave my character’s name, Anna, instead of my real name so when the employees writes it in the milk tea plastic cup and call the name, I would feel that I am the character. It sounds weird but it helps.

ok...make that EMILY..

ok…make that EMILY..

(I mistakenly called myself EMILY instead of Anna in this time so yeah…whoops..)

I had some company though in some days but I found out that it’s better when I’m alone because I get distracted. That annoys my inspiration tank.


I can tell you more of my writing journey in Chingkeetea in another post. So moving forward!

Well, as you can see the LATE POST REVIEW, that goes to show I’m still doing reviews in the books I read, the movies I watch, the music (especially the new)I listen and the news I hear. I’ll try my best to do that after every time I do those things. I’ll also be rearranging some things in the blog especially the categories I made. Anyway, soon, I’ll be posting my reviews on The Host, It Takes A Man And A Woman, and Olympus Has Fallen. 

Yes! Wow..

I can see though that I’m taking quite a long time when I write my posts but fear not, I am planning to make a vlog, mostly on the parts where I have to make reviews. Oh good gracious me, I can’t believe I agreed to that thought. You’re going to see my face! Ack!


And speaking of blog & vlog stuff…if you’re not a Directioner or not into One Direction then skip this *stares*…


This year, I am also planning to make another blog (not here in wordpress) for my One Direction—ness. HAHA. I have grown in love with these boys that I figured that I won’t lose my interest in them at all. The boy band feels is a new thing to me. It is nothing compared to being a fan of a rock band called Linkin Park. Nope. The British boy band is not like my everyday life when I was in love with the hardcore rock band (Although, I still love that rock band. Gush, can’t believe I’m into such variety of music).

What I envisioned for the design of the blog would be like made out of drawings and YES, I would have a drawing self. And I’m surely bound to have some kind of signature look…especially in my vlogging times. A hair clip maybe? HAHA I don’t know.

doesn't look exactly likes this though..

doesn’t look exactly likes this though..

In my One Direction blog, I would be updating of what the boys are doing, but mostly giving out my reviews and reactions them in my vlog videos. Not only will I post about what the boys are doing but the situation in the Directioner fandom like in twitter, tumblr, facebook and even in youtube. I’ll be suggesting some creative and great music videos, fanfictions, artwork and etc. made by fellow direcitoners that I found.


And of course, I’ll also be posting and updating my fanfictions, videos, and whatsoever. I hope I’ll do well in this *smiles* My blog plan would be to post every once a week. I hope that schedule would work out..and I hope my schedule in my 4th year in college won’t destroy my plans. I hope for the best. ESPECIALLY, when the 1D movie is going to be out! OHMYGUSH! Woah, Meg, calm down. Don’t want your fangirling to annoy the readers….sorry..


OK, NON-DIRECTIONERS! YOU CAN COME OUT NOW! Just some words to say..

Well, that’s all the updates and the stuff that’s going down this year. YES! SO MUCH THINGS GOING ON! Whoop! I hope I can finish the things I promise myself to before summer’s over. If I don’t, I’m going to be so frustrated about myself.

Take care guys! God bless!

Comment if there’s things you don’t understand or if you have any questions (And no, I didn’t even say “only”).

Much love,

Meg xx


Going in One Direction this Summer

“Get out! Get out! Get out of my head!
And fall into my arms instead
I don’t, I don’t, don’t know what it is
But I need that one thing!

So, Get out! Get out! Get out of my mind!
And come on, come in to my life!
I don ‘t, I don’t, don’t know what it is
But I need that one thing
And you’ve got that one thing!” 

One Thing – One Direction

This was one of my most favorites among the songs of this claimed “phenomenal” boy band. Most favorites? Well, you see, I love all their songs! They’re all my favorites…so I take a term of “most favorites” because there’s an ultimate meaning for it. Haha. The song, for me, is genuinely dedicated to them too…even though they’re the ones who sang it HAHA. Well, if only I could sing it to them but I’m not that much of a good singer.

A boy band composed of 4 British plus 1 Irish young singers, One Direction has set forth their fame already in America. They started their lives in X-Factor. They auditioned individually right at the beginning and they were formed as a group right when they thought they were eliminated from the competition. They didn’t win in the end but they, at least, were third place. Simon Cowell formed them and he still continues to help them in their journey of being the famous boy band.

Maybe for some of you…this is a surprise. Even to me. I love music. Really, I do. I love various genres. If  you were to ask me what type of music I like, I will truly have a hard time telling you what. Most of the time I would enumerate various music artists and bands I like at the time like The Script, Coldplay, Taylor Swift, Greg Laswell, Matthew Mayfield, Linkin Park, Avril Lavigne, Christina Perri, Florene + The Machine, and the list goes on…

Previously, I was dreading to write/type a wordpress post about Il Volo.

 Too late now. Something else captured my music-fond heart.

Il Volo was one of the famous leaps of genre in my music life. I was into those music I have enumerated lately and this classical, operatic pop band composed of three Italian teenage tenors, came into my music life when I watched them sang live as a guest artist in American Idol.

Their so-called genre, Operatic pop, was so new in my list that I was really into them. As in, SO into them! I mostly love their beautiful, unique talent, their voices. And ever so, fan-wise, I love Piero Barone. He has this loud, deep voice that is such a huge wow-factor for all of us because when they were singing in American Idol, he was said to be 17 years old! A 17 year old tenor! That was amazing.

As you have read, I sound like I still love them. Well, yes…but it’s nothing compared to the feelings I have for One Direction. Haha. Although, I still appreciate the tenor trio because they have inspired me during those times. Inspired me by knowing how talented we all are. Just like how Kimi Raikkonen, a Formula 1 racer & a 2007 F1 World Champion, inspired me to never give up and do what you love to do, not what you don’t.

For One Direction , they have continued motivating me. That’s what celebrities or idols are supposed to do. For me, seriously, other than entertaining us, sharing us their talent, their thoughts, their music, their expressions, their art, they inspire us. How did One Direction do that to me? They inspire me because of the fact they are such young boys, they have fulfilled their lifelong dreams (It’s the same as how Il Volo inspired me too). I have realized this after a time of fangirling over their music, their handsome and adorable faces and personalities (especially Niall’s; the blonde hair). They are truly sweethearts!

How did it all start?

It was in tumblr and because of tumblr. Well, I wasn’t much drawn into them when I saw their pictures bursting out in my dashboard. I was still fangirling over Il Volo in that time. So I was like, “what the heck happened to the Il Volo posts? I didn’t follow any One Direction blogs…unless..*sigh*”. Yeah…in that time too, I thought that the boy band was just another Justin Bieber only 5 times big in the worthy list of girl squealing & fainting plus even a big picture of gayness for the guys to bully or rant about. I would sigh and say “what’s happening to the world?” (Hahaha vas happenin to the world? get it?)

I really wasn’t expecting to cross paths with this fangirling over the boy band. So, when scrolling over the tumblr dashboard, I try to completely ignore the picture posts, the animated .gifs, the text posts and loads more. Apparently, from time to time, I kinda would find the blonde guy (Niall) adorable on pictures, animated .gifs or so on when scrolling. But mostly, I continued on with my fangirling and adoration over Il Volo. Reblogs, likes and whatnot. My tumblr was one hell of an Il Volo blog. Haha.

But then, I couldn’t deny the feeling that I will get to know them soon….JUST. KNOW. THEM…and that’s it. Sigh, I was wrong at one point. The first song I heard from them…”What Makes You Beautiful”.

“Baby, you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell

You don’t know
Oh oh
You don’t know you’re beautiful

If only you saw what I can see
You’ll understand why I want you so desperately
Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe
You don’t know
Oh oh
You don’t know you’re beautiful
Oh oh
That what makes you beautiful”

What Makes You Beautiful One Direction

The ignoring wall has been destroyed by my curiosity. And no, I didn’t research them in google, I researched them directly in youtube. I wanna watch them. I wanna hear their voices coming out from their seen mouths. After I typed in their group’s name, I clicked in the the first link I saw. It was their live show in X-Factor, performing their “Gotta Be You”.

“It’s gotta be you
Only you
It’s got to be you
Oh, Only you”

Gotta Be You – One Direction

In that time, my love for Il Volo has been slipping away because I haven’t heard any updates from them. I couldn’t check their twitter account always because I was busy with my college life. Because of that, I was slowly losing my interest in them. As a music lover, I am always eager to find different songs, even different kinds. I found Greg Laswell, Matthew Mayfield, Jason Walker and even brought back Florence + The Machine into my liking. I guess, Il Volo would come back to me for some time in the future.

One Direction’s Gotta Be You didn’t fully capture my attention as you may have presumed it to be. It just gave me an understanding of why these girls are into this boy band. They have such angelic voices. Yet again, I thought…and only THOUGHT…that I was satisfied with my curiosity and ready to brush them off from my life. Well, that wasn’t over.

After listening and seeing that said live performance in youtube, their song took its toll on me. It has become, what it felt like, a month’s Last Song Syndrome (LSS). No matter what song I listen to, whenever I am off from my earphones, I would always hear that chorus playing in my head. I would even sometimes absent-mindedly sing it.

“It’s gotta be you
Only you
It’s got to be you
Oh, Only you”

At first I was trying to shake it off because I find it ridiculous but then soon I realized that I really like it. I don’t know…it sounds..catchy? I don’t know what correct term for it is. I felt lost though because I only know the chorus. These were not the only times I had an LSS and sing out of no intentions.

Way back to the time I heard their first single What Makes You Beautiful, I already had an LSS after I heard it. I sing absent-mindedly too, the first line of the chorus only. After that, I would let out an exasperated or frustrating growl. It didn’t last long though. Wrong again.

Again, I thought it was over. I thought I was satisfied with my curiosity. I was only bothered by the One Direction tumblr posts on my dashboard and that was it. It wasn’t making much of a big fuss over my busy college life. I was back with the thought of One Direction as another boy band of 5 Justin Biebers. Not much emphasis on the JB pun though.

Apparently, from surprising sources, they were reminding me of their existence, other than tumblr, there were few from radio stations and even from fellow students or blockmates but I didn’t let it take victor over me.

What got me back was my cousin. She was actually fond of them. Not a typical fangirl but she just loves their songs and especially this one guy, Zayn Malik.

I saw his picture as her phone’s wallpaper. No argument about that though, all the guys in the band are definitely handsome, gorgeous. What my cousin did was when we were already drying the dishes and she was playing songs already. I recognize the WMYB. I had an inward dilemma if I should groan mentally or let it be. Weird.

The next song was what caught my attention. It was definitely catchy and lovable. It was simple at the beginning of the song and their voices one by one with the tune, the beat and the rhythm of the song were in good, wonderful melody to my ears. When the chorus played, I so love it that I asked my cousin what’s the name of the song.

…One Thing… of my most favorite songs until now..

(music video is at the beginning of the post)

Well, sorry to disappoint you but that wasn’t it. I love the song but that was it. I didn’t get the chance to download it yet because I was busy with my college life and even preparing for the exams and some stuff for the theatre organization that I’m in. Ok, what really totaled me? What really drove me into being one of the directioner family? What really made me fall in love with all of their music completely? What really made me hold another blog in tumblr about them?

It’s quite easy.

It’s the same way how Il Volo got me.

Live show.

I know. I know. They should’ve already gotten me when I watched in youtube, their X-factor performance of “Gotta Be You“. That just wasn’t it. I was, in those times, holding myself away from the grips of loving them. I was trying to avoid loving them because of what I believed or what I thought they were or what I know would be. 5 Justin Biebers…hehe.

But not at this time. As far as I can remember, it was somewhere during the week of final exams and I was supposed to be studying for a particular subject or subjects but I heard their name in TV. My parents’ were watching Today show. Their names were announced and I automatically looked at the TV screen in our kitchen and there were the pictures of each of their faces as each of their names were enumerated respectively. They even gave out each of their different personalities like who’s the sensible one, mysterious one, the funny one and so on.

Somewhere in my mind, I was telling myself to go ahead and watch them live when I am intent to continue my studies. I did so continue my studies but to the surprise of my inner self, I asked mom to call me when they are already performing. When I was already back in my room, I was unusually eager to see them live. But this time, I didn’t shake it off. My most favorite song’s melody was playing in my head as I try to concentrate in studying.

My mom called out to me then but she told me to stay and watch the TV in the living room because she was too busy in making a cake for a client (my mom’s a cake artist) that she couldn’t afford to always focus on the TV. This time I waited and watched at the living room. I watched as the reporters were  interacting with their fans, keeping them excited for the coming of the British plus Irish boy band. After 15 minutes, more or less, the wait was over. I was unexpectedly feeling that oh, so familiar churn in my stomach. The same way I felt when I saw Il Volo performed in the  Late Night with Jay Leno. 

I was engulfed in the moment as they enter that I forgot my studies. That I almost forgot to call my cousin..

The whole time I was smiling. Something was already bubbling inside me about this boy band. I knew the 1st two songs they performed. What Makes You Beautiful and yes, one of my most favorites, One Thing. The last song, More Than This, was unfamiliar to me in that time. It was a sad song based on lyrics but with such wonderful rhythm and tune. What really got me sighing was when the Irish blondie took his solo. His voice was so beautiful. I’m serious! I couldn’t help but adore it so much that I put all my attention towards him.

Do you remember the time I said I find him cute in some tumblr posts? He’s clearly more than that when I saw him Live. So, with my cousin fangirling over the mysterious Zayn Malik , I am into the cute Niall Horan. It’s not only because of the face but how sweet he is and how carefree he spends his life. Haha. We all love his laugh though [giggles]

That’s the kind of guys I like. You know, don’t take yourself too seriously kind of guy. I have sometimes been the taking my life so seriously type of girl though and my liking for someone who’s opposite of me kinda heals you know. But, oh well, Niall is faraway and doesn’t even know me. We should always bare that in mind.

Honestly, and I’m so not doing this for humility’s sake, I am not like those fangirls who would get every picture and would do anything to get and blahblahblah. Oh, I’m not against you fangirls. It’s alright to do that but I’m very open-minded on how the boys would feel if I were screaming over the top of my lungs when they’re actually few feet close.

Yes, I know, the obvious fact they are famous and gorgeous, you couldn’t hold on to the fangirl inside you. I had those times but I have a clear new perspective now, not to hit my fangirling too much. Putting myself in those shoes now, I can imagine how I’m gonna feel that rush of starstruck through my blood and in my head. I’ll be lightheaded and I won’t remember what I would even say to a celebrity if I ever get a chance to interact with them.

I have felt and only practiced once and that’s when I met Mark Nelson for autograph signing and I told him that I was supporting him in the Amazing Race. Although, I couldn’t remember if I REALLY said “Amazing Race” or “American Idol”. Well, if I did say AI then he wouldn’t smile, shake my hand and say “Thank you for your support”.

I hope when I encounter one of my favorite celebrities especially One Direction and their Niall Horan, I would contain myself…and stay focus even though I’m lightheaded/start struck. By own perspective again, they still are like us. Teenagers with big dreams…but the fact theirs actually came true. Sigh, I’m so proud of them. Us, directioners, are so proud of them like proud mothers. Haha!

After watching Today Show, yeah, that’s where it started. After my studies and final exams, I began searching for them in youtube and let my attention welcome those One Direction tumblr posts. I followed all of them in twitter, although, they’re not yet following me back. I downloaded their music. I saved some pictures for my desktop wallpaper and phone wallpaper. I watched loads of youtube videos especially their video diaries!

After watching those from X-Factor, I kinda felt bad for not being in the beginning of their journey. Although, I cheered myself up by promising to somehow download and watch their journey in X-Factor.

Somewhere in the middle, I had laugh to myself that this is way different than my love for Il Volo. Haha which is a good thing. New experience is a way to go. But mainly, I’m laughing because I didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect to be such a big fan to the one band I disliked previously. HAHA. Unexpected..

So…right now, I still loving them each day. I have all their songs. I already have a tumblr blog dedicated to them. And now, I’m planning to write a Nialler fanfic [smiles]. The idea just popped in. It’s nothing that big.

It’s just something about a relationship between a young Irish singer of a famous boy band, Niall, who is ever so sweet, cute and carefree and ever so focus in his career with the boys and a young independent girl, Anna, who wants to travel around anywhere else, to runaway and stay away from the problems back home, to stop messing up things especially on other people’s lives, her love ones’ lives, to be free and have fun in life…while she still can.

How can I do that, you say? I couldn’t tell the details now that would spoil ya, you know. Inspiration has always come out from celebrities. As a lover of writing, it’s nice to have an inspiration from guys you like. I have to admit. Well, I don’t know Niall much so I wish to meet them someday and get to know them…even though it seems impossible [sigh]. But I’m not giving up hope [gleams].

One Direction has made my life so worthwhile. Other than staying to hear the kind of music I listen before, this British/Irish boy band brings music that will send a smile on your face and heart of utter joy and fun. You would see us jump around with the beat of their music and sing the lines of the song. Having fun. That’s what I like about One Direction.

Oh, about the issues of them being gay, well, it’s not that totally clear to me. For one moment they’re like this and the next they’re like that. I really don’t know them anyway. I mean, we don’t exactly know them. Two of them already have girlfriends. I couldn’t judge by what I only see in the videos. Maybe that’s how it is in their country…I don’t know. Or clearly…it’s just BROMANCE [winks].

Do I mind that they’re kinda bromance and all? Not really. If anything weirder than that, then maybe yeah…

Well, off with those issues!

One Direction has made my summer more awesome that it would be without them. If I wasn’t fond of them, I guess, I would be stressed out by the current problems and busy stuff I’m having right now…even though it’s already summer. I would also be bored maybe. Well, I have writing to do but it’s much better with them around…in a way that I don’t know how to put it or describe what I mean.

So…I hope you like them too. Please, don’t like them because they act “gay” or what but love their music! They really are giving that jamming, partying feeling when you listen to them. And c’mon, they’re not gay music, sheesh. Stop with the judging and have some love for music itself..[huff].

So, here’s some quotes I love from their music! And please do follow my One Direction blog [gleams]! Link below!
My One Direction blog: That One Thing

“Yes, I like the way you smile with your eyes
Other guys see it but don’t realize that it’s my, my loving.
There’s something about your laugh
That makes me wanna have to
There’s nothing funny so we laugh at n-n-nothing.”


“Every minutes’ like a lasso
Let’s just take it real slow
Forget about the clock that’s tick-tick-ticking”


“I so feel it every time
It’s just something that you do
Now as to why I want to
It’s everything about you! You! You!”


Everything About YouOne Direction 

“If I’m louder, would you see me?”

More Than This – Niall Horan; One Direction

If I’m louder, would you see me?
Would you lay down in my arms and rescue me?
‘Cause we are…the same.
You saved me, and when you leave it’s gone again”


“And when I see you on the street
In his arms, I get weak
My body fails, I’m on my knees


“When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight
It just won’t feel right
‘Cause I can love you more than this.
When he lays you down I might just die inside
It just don’t feel right
‘Cause I can love you more than this.
I can love you more than this. “

More than ThisOne Direction

 “Is your heart taken?
Is there somebody else on your mind?
I’m so sorry
I’m so confused
Just tell me
Am I out of time?

Is your heart breaking?
How do you feel about me now?
I can’t believe I let you walk away when

When I should’ve kissed you!”

I Should’ve Kissed You – One Direction

Now I’m climbing the walls
But you don’t notice at all
That I’m going out of my mind
All day and all night”

One Thing – Niall Horan; One Direction 

“Get out! Get out! Get out of my head!
And fall into my arms instead
I don’t, I don’t, don’t know what it is
But I need that one thing!

So, Get out! Get out! Get out of my mind!
And come on, come in to my life!
I don ‘t, I don’t, don’t know what it is
But I need that one thing
And you’ve got that one thing!” 

One Thing – One Direction

“Baby, you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed 
But when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell

You don’t know 
Oh oh
You don’t know you’re beautiful

If only you saw what I can see
You’ll understand why I want you so desperately
Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe
You don’t know
Oh oh
You don’t know you’re beautiful
Oh oh

That what makes you beautiful”

What Makes You Beautiful – One Direction

Directioner (#1DForLife; #HardcoreDirectioner) & Nialler; Mialler forever,


P.S. Again, follow my One Direction blog! [Click]

MAGIS Awards 2012: Unexpected

“Magis Awards 2012…Achievement for Cultural & Artistic Excellence…Dulaang Atenista…DRAMA??”

Unexpected…yes, unexpected because I was just invited…and I didn’t expect anything…Ok, that didn’t sound right…redundant…Haha. Way to go for the girl who loves writing but didn’t write for a long period of time! Ugh, this is what I get..

Anyway…I’ll break it down..

I was so busy this week. Seriously, it’s summer! I know! But hey, that’s what you get for joining an organization. Well, I’m not angry about it. I have to face it. It’s a way of facing reality you know. When I have a job and what not…and well, I enjoy being in the organization…they’re family to me and their presence is ever unusual comparing to the presence of my close blockmates. Unusual in a good way.

Going back..

Our outgoing company manager gave me an invitation to the Magis Awards 2012. I asked why when I have never entered as such last year. He explained that I was the incoming company manager so I have to join and witness this event. It makes sense. I generally found out that we didn’t enter as nominees. So we expect to just sit back and watch the show on stage….just witnesses.

Oh, forgot…for those who doesn’t know what the Magis Awards 2012 is, it is an event in our school, Xavier University – Ateneo de Cagayan, where students and faculty will receive awards for doing more in what they do. By the word Magis, it means to strive more, to do more; to do things with an effort of more than 100%. Yeah, an Achievements awards night…well, we have to fill up and pass a form to be one of the nominees.

Kuya JC, our company manager, invited also Sheila, Yves & Fia to come with us to the said event. Regretfully, I forgot to text Fia about it but she was able to come with us for a short while before she went off to meet up with her sister.

The attire was eccentric! Well, not really…found it cool but the term was unfortunately new to me, Neo-Victorian. I realized that’s what Panic! At the Disco wore in one or two of their music videos. I kinda prepared my outfit at the day of the awards night. My mom, days before, already prepared an outfit for me but at the day of the awards, she just then researched how it actually looks like. So, we have to change my outfit.

Thankfully, I already have in my wardrobe and what’s just missing are lacy gloves and fishnet stockings. I have to buy them after my meeting with the officers and our artistic director in the afternoon. Good thing the meeting was short and it was all about our venue and such for our strategic planning days after that day. What a busy life, huh?

I directly went out of school and went to a certain store my mom told me to go to so I can buy my black lacy gloves and fishnet stockings. At the end of the hunt for those items, I was able to have black fishnet stockings but no proper gloves. I did buy gloves but they were white and included the fingers. Although, after such regretful feeling of ever absent-mindedly buying it, I planned to be creative…you know, cut out the finger parts and dye it black. Hahaha…I can use this for future outfits to come! And…I’m not being emo. I’m just being the rebellious type.

Anyway, night time, back at school, I got to meet up with all of them. We were all wearing our attire with the same color, black. Haha cool. I am so sure that they are wearing better outfits than what I was wearing. I just don’t like my top that’s all. I love the torso part, corset look and all but it’s kinda sleeveless and it has this simple ruffles at it and it points straight out that it emphasizes… my arms. Ugh…

Ok, stopped my whining…

When we arrived outside the little theater, I liked how they placed the rectangular lanterns, tracing the red carpet leading to the doors of the event. There were big posters on the walls for picture taking. Like…we’re literally on the red carpet but it was kinda dim when the lanterns are your only light source.

When we entered the little theater, my eyes widened by the effort done in the decorations. The ceiling. The  slit brown doors at the sides. They were all covered. I know it’s supposed to be like that. But after all my months, days of going in and out of the little theater, I have never ever seen it like this. The stage of course was fascinating. It kinda remind me of my debut as noticed by Yves.

We took our seats and we waited for the program to start. As usual, it doesn’t start on time; “Filipino time”. Kuya JC had to leave to attend a meeting. I was left with the three girls, my three “sisters”. Haha we had a thing going on among us and our artistic director. He’s kinda like our “father” and we are his daughters. Haha the whole thing is amusing. We’re a unicorn family since one of my “sisters” started showing the music video. Haha it was fun at being such.

Anyway, Yves got up too just to get a copy of the flow of the program. When she returned, I borrowed it from her. Seeing over the two column page, it’s going to be a long night. Besides…after the program, we are going to have dinner and reception at the Magis roof deck (this time I’m referring to a building Haha).

Scanning over the brochure, I had to stop at one section. My eyebrows raised a bit and I had to blink a couple of times to make sure what’s being shown over the colored paper. It’s really…real, although, I wasn’t actually afraid or shaken about it. No heart raising routines…but I really hope Kuya JC comes back before it happens. His meeting with whoever he is meeting with won’t be that long, right?

The awards started with a Burlesque touch. Girls dancing and one singing like Chirstina Aguilera. Well, not intentionally I guess. She sounds good but the dancers looked like they were making unsure movements. It looks all messy. Well, sorry about that…

The rest of the parts were blurry to me. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t participating…I was kinda lightheaded at that moment. Honest. The atmosphere of the place and the event must’ve gave me some jolt or something. It must be the air or something.

Throughout the program, it was all awards here and there to teachers, organizations, students who contributed in certain things or who started a beneficial program. There’s few who were awarded for their help in the tragedy Sendong like the one who made the “Help CDO” logo that spread throughout the internet locally, nationally and even internationally.

Thankfully, Kuya JC arrived before it happened. Not last minute but long enough before it happens. We were able to show it to him though. He was shocked a bit. We both knew we didn’t submit any forms to be one of the nominees. And yet, there’s our organization’s name under the Achievement for Cultural & Artistic Excellence. I then remembered that the hosts mentioned of connecting with XCCA so I guess that’s why we’re in the list. Our company manager was kinda puzzled. Maybe trying to guess if we would go up stage or not. I was positive that we are going up stage.

And I was correct! Plus, we were the first ones to be called to receive that award. I wasn’t nervous but I was conscious of what I was wearing. Even though I covered up the problem of my bare arms showing with my black jacket, it kinda felt or looked inappropriate or unsuitable. Hell…I try to forget about it. I just added some acting…like I was having colds or something.

I pushed Kuya JC up the stage. When he was shown on the spotlight, some people started cheering. People who knew our company manager I suppose. He waved to them as we went up stage. I didn’t dare look at the audience. I just continued to smile and stare at Kuya JC and the ones who presented our award.

I don’t remember much of Kuya JC’s speech. Sorry. Again, I was lightheaded at that time. All I do remember is he appreciated it and thanked our organization and our artistic director. I wish I could add or help but I didn’t feel that budge or anything. As soon as Kuya JC ran out of things to say, our XCCA head, Sr. Hobart, who presented the award to us, helped us by giving a small coach “Thank you”. Kuya JC and I said it together that made the audience smile and laugh at how funny we looked. We went down and I was eager to sit down and hide.

My mind stopped at the idea when we got to meet the president of our school, Fr. Bobby Yap, along the way. I put on my best smile as he stood up to shake my hand. I responded with a Thank you. I then cheerily went back to our seats with Kuya JC behind me. Hahaha I remember that I was like telling myself and to my “sisters” that I ACTUALLY shook Fr. Bobby’s hand and that I wouldn’t wash it off. Haha how childish of me. I just felt like meeting a celebrity.

We were so glad we won a Magis Award!

Awards and videos ran by after. When it was over, we went up for dinner and entertainment, a Magis Awards plus. The food was great! Haha As a group, our mood was lifting because of the presence of a trophy. A trophy that’s ours. Haha how dramatic.. We texted or rather sent a group message to the rest of the DA members especially Fia, Kuya Ryan (our artistic director), Dennis and Arfil.

The rest of the night was enjoyable and we left as soon as rain started falling  down on us.

Next day, I brought the award to our Leveling Off meeting in the conference room of XCCA. Their faces lighted up when they saw it. We even took a picture of it after our meeting.

We all agreed of the fact that we deserve it. We have given a lot of efforts to our craft, to theater. It’s our passion. By the fact we always go home late, adjust with our busy schedules, deal with different kinds of problems like personal ones and studies, and handle difficulties during performances, we truly deserve a Magis award, an achievement award for doing more in our efforts. And may I add, we’re not Drama, we are Theatre. Char…Haha

Live long, Dulaang Atenista!



“Boys will be Boys”

“It’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt”

WARNING: Spoiler alert if you haven’t watched the movie yet.

Synopsis: Three high school friends gain superpowers after making an incredible discovery. Soon, though, they find their lives spinning out of control and their bond tested as they embrace their darker sides. (by IMDb.)

Ok…I’ve watched this like…twice! Just so you know, after the first time I watched it, I planned to make a movie review of it but I didn’t have time. In my first time, I watched it with my family. This is kinda one of the few movies I watched where I haven’t seen the trailer. I’m always updated of the latest movies through youtube but college life has been tough, you know. As we were in front of SM cinema, my brother was like “let’s go for Chronicle“. I was expecting it will be something dark and deep…I don’t know how else I’m going to describe it…I was just staring at the poster, figuring out what it’s about.

My dad asked the ticket seller about the movie and all I heard was an actor name “Michael Jordan”. We all thought the famous basketball player was there. Funny. I kinda felt excited because it sounded interesting…no, not the Michael Jordan part. I don’t know…maybe because of the looks of the poster, I guess.

When we were in and watching, it was all Andrew’s (main char.) video camera’s point of view. I was waiting all along for the view to change. It didn’t…and I thought, oh, so they’re using that technique. Nice. I really love the technique they were using. Kinda first point of view but ok, nonetheless. Yet, there comes to the point where it becomes…overreacting, if that’s the correct term I’m using. Well, yes, Andrew, along with his other 2 guy friends, has the power to use telekinesis; moving objects with their mind but how they use that advantage in order to have a good shot of the scenes was kinda…not good. I mean, it’s weird for Andrew to always take a video of everything he’s doing…especially when he’s using telekinesis to have his video cam float in the air and capture everything.

Another part was near the ending, when Andrew was our of control and Matt, his cousin, was trying to stop him. They were flying by the wide windows on top of this skyskraper. Andrew was gazing weirdly to the citizens as they were taking video of the whole scene. I-pads, cellphones, camcorders were everywhere. Andrew then broke the windows, took all of the devices and made them float by each of his side so…what? In order to continue taking a video? I didn’t get that part actually why Andrew would do that.

 Well, it’s understandable that they should have this shot and this shot so for the story to be understandable to the audience. It’s hard when using that kind of cinematic technique.

Next…um…the actors. I haven’t seen them before. Really. Although, they look familiar to me especially Dane DeHaan (Andrew). If you ask me who does he look like, he kinda looks like Leonardo Di Caprio (when he was in Titanic. Thanks to Arfil.), the guy from the Disney TV series “Sonny with a chance“, and a young James McAvoy (I love this guys <3). Hahaha.

For me, they did good in this film. And the actor of Steve is actually Michael Jordan…but not basket ball star but Michael B. Jordan. I was kinda laughing about this. Hehe. I really don’t know his background but really, all the actors were great. I really don’t know about Alex Russell (Matt, cousin of Andrew) though…I don’t know if it’s the acting or I just don’t like his character. Haha.

 Ok, the effects…they were great. Being a movie lover, I kinda know the tricks in the effects. Although, I still need more experiences and lessons from the tutorials my father gave me. Anyway, the effects this movie showed were great but let’s just say I looked to close to see a slight flaw. It was kinda clear that they are showing the effects especially the “scaring the little girl with a floating teddy bear” part. I’m just saying what I saw so no harm done.

Next, the story itself…have I talked about it? Nah? Alright. The story is unique but the only thing common is the moral. Of course. The moral for me was the burden of using the powers you have. The quote Andrew’s mom gave him “I am stronger than this” was intended to be thought positively, used positively, resulting to a positive matter. But in the end, Andrew used it in a bad way. He repeated that quote in the ending, telling his cousin, Matt, that he is stronger than this while they were floating by that tall skyscraper.

Poor Andrew. It’s understood that he has gone through a lot of things in life. His father was horrible to him. His mother is…dying. He had no good friends. He’s really distant to everyone. His want, his desire was to simply fit in with everyone. When he finally have these awesome powers and a couple of friends along with him, he didn’t realize he was on his way towards it. What was his downfall was his emotions, his past, his quick thoughts when going through challenges. When he lost one of his friends, Steve, everything just got back to the way it was but worse.

Somehow, all I can say is that Andrew has grow insane, lost in his own thoughts after a lot of things happening to him. He then used his powers to get back with the ones who bullied like pulling their teeth off. Rather than just getting back at them, he kinda uses them as a test target or such. It was reckless.

The ending was intense I tell was Andrew’s anger towards, what it looks like, to everyone and even everything. He thought to himself, as what he researched during those becoming insane times, as an “Apex Predator”, top of the food chain. Killing his prey with no mercy, no guilt, no remorse, no emotions, no feelings…he was becoming an animal.

He even sounded like one.

Matt tried to stop him but it was so hard to get through that thick stubborn head of his cousin. When he saw that everyone, who didn’t deserve it, was getting hurt, he had to do what he had to do. He killed his own cousin. It was…well, mind blowing and a shock. All throughout the movie, you are along with Andrew, feeling his emotions, his story, his journey. When you just see him die, it’s felt like…you know, his life gone to waste because of how much he overwhelmed himself with much power and his own thoughts piling up.

In the end, it gave a small happy pinch. Matt, the only one of their kind, has reached Tibet, the place Andrew wanted to go to.

Overall in the story, it was great. I love it. That’s why I kinda watched twice. Hehe…

Ok, overall in this film? I’d say the same thing great but needs a itsy bitsy work in it. That’s all.

When was the second time I watched this? I was watching it with my friends, my fellow Dulaang Atenista, my fellow mindbenders, at Gaisano. They were Kuya Ryan, Ate Gene, Dennis, Arfil and Fia. They love the film and this is what they have to say after I questioned them:

“The movie was ok…but it’s not groundbreaking. It’s like what would happen to Peter Parker (Spiderman) if he reacted differently to his powers. I’m not really a fan of that cinematic technique though.”
-Kuya Ryan; director in Dulaang Atenista Mind bender Films

“It was good. I hate Andrew for being so stubborn thought it isn’t his fault. I think. But overall it was awesome!”
– Fia; Dulaang Atenista Mind bender Films

“It was ok. But some scenes were done just for the sake that it would look like a documentary. Like the girlfriend (he meant the girl Matt likes) with a cam and when Andrew took away the gadgets of the people and tape himself”
– Arfil; Actor, Dulaang Atenista & Mind bender films

It was funny and cool. Awesome movie actually. And all those gayshit scenes”
 Dennis; Actor, Dulaang Atenista Mind bender films

So there you guys have it 🙂 I have warned you that this is a spoiler. If you have watched the movie then wonderful! Give me your thoughts about the movie in your comments! Thank you very much 🙂

As I have always said, I am a certified movie lover and goer and have a passion in film making or video editing. I am still going to make more reviews in more movies, books and what not.

Take care!


Happy “Appreciation” Day

February 14, 2012

Valentines day…Before, I normally treat it as like any other day. Really. Well, from grade school to highschool I was quite fond of it and even jealous of all the couples around me. You don’t know to what extent. It’s quite complicated since I’m kinda having multiple personalities. During those years, I would hope in that day that someone would give me a rose or a heart or something that will make my day and make me know that a certain someone likes me. Well, the wait was worthless.

Fortunately, that particular events were far gone from my mind. All those times though I inevitably do the chasing I guess. Such a tired sport and very hurtful too. If you were my blockmate this year and known friends ever since what…this time, you already have said that I have change. Maybe you’re one of those friends who think that I have found someone, totally fell in love or inspired.

Inspired, yes, but in a sense a certain someone was such a pain through 1st year college until now and finally made me realize. So…yes, I have come into terms with myself and my feelings then changed into my old carefree self. Quite independent, I do think. You saw me wearing dark eye shadow, black eyeliner, blush on, and wedge shoes. You think what I have said you would. But that is not the case. Well, that will be explained in another post. Moving on to the V day, my fellow readers.

This year, I seriously treat Valentines day as a day of appreciation. Well, in the dark behind of my mind, I thought I was going to end up as one of those sour grapes after all the crap I’ve been through with love. Well, I seem to turn out well actually, thank you very much.

I appreciated my family (though, I did not give gifts to them but my love and thanks) and friends.

That day I was treating like it was any other day but with some special care to the special people in my life. You see, I plan to buy gifts for them. Really…it’s those products from cupid! Ugh, I know right? I don’t know what else to give…can you not avoid those stuff of pink and red? Sheesh…

But then it hit me, the best gifts are those handmade, made with effort, made with love and care…duh! Let’s give some points to the smart lady! Haha! No, I don’t think the source was all from those romantic movies I watch, guh…so I got one of my favorites in one of my mom’s delicacies made and that is the Chocolate – dipped chocolate cake balls. I am telling you they are awesome! Delicious! (Check out our business in Facebook and in Multiply!)

So, yes, there are limitations, minimums…and there I only gave 6 of my special friends. I was really excited. Though, I regret in forgetting the other special people in life. They shall not be forgotten! I’m going to make more!

Anyway, 3 of them are alumnis, still members of our school’s resident theater organization: Director Kuya Ryan, and actors, Dennis and Arfil. Thank God I have free time which is 2:35pm – 4:00 pm after my Finance 11 subject. Although, throughout that period of time, I was busy too. I remembered I have to print some things (costly. tsk. tsk.), make some small letters to attach to the gifts, and receive 2 valentine cakes from dad for delivery.

Although, so far in that time, only Fia and Kuya Ryan have received their gifts. Dennis, Arfil, Sheila and Yves received theirs during my 5:15 – 5:35pm free time…between Religious Studies 20 and Business Administration 11. They really love the chocolates and I’m glad. Hopefully, they read and kept the small letters I wrote to them.

Who I have forgotten, they’ll never be left like that, I’m so gonna have to make more for them, you know!

It felt great to give…especially in Christmas…and yeah, Valentines Day! Well, it goes to show that you don’t need a lover or a boyfriend to celebrate the special day. For me, it’s about love for the people you care about, who you spend time with, who you appreciate for all the times and the things they’ve done. Not always about love for the one and only guy or girl in your life, your boyfriend, love and what there it is to them.

I treat things positively quite well now. Thanks to the so called “new me”. I wouldn’t call that though. Like I said, it’s the comeback of the carefree independent me *winks*.

Although, I have been literally sick that day…some sick things took its toll on me. Nothing mean but bad coincidences. It’s like wherever I enter a surprise courting event plays about right in front of me. I had looked up above towards God and asked why. My expression was always like “What the heck?”…but I’m not against it or anything it’s just that I can’t believe the coincidence in all this. Hahaha, no, I wasn’t allowing it to rub into my face, mind or heart. I just let it pass and think “Sigh, teen love…”

I haven’t received any Valentines gift and I never expected any. Though, I received lot of Valentine greetings from guys and even hugs from my guy friends. Awww… But that night, I received a wonderful gift….from my oh so loving father. Awwww, I know right? Well, he had said that he was going to give me my favorite chocolate, Toblerone, as a Valentine’s gift to me. I really was happy. I haven’t eaten that chocolate for a long, long time! Hahaha!

So, guys, don’t be such a sour grape in Valentines day! It’s not always for those who have lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends…it’s for those people who are special in your life. Other than being called Valentines day, it’s an “Appreciation day”! Appreciate the people who you love and care like your friends and family. Celebrate like how I did it, positively. Maybe you can celebrate it in a better way than mine.

Next Valentines Day! Hahaha! Everyday it is!

Moongazing & Photography

Haven’t blogged for a long time :\ Well, previously, at December 26, 2011, my family and I went to Manila for the usual birthday gift for my bro which his birthday is on the said date and of course, for Christmas break and lastly for a Family reunion & New Year’s Celebration with my dad’s family 🙂 tradition ever since..

But anyway 🙂 My family’s Olympus DSLR has finally arrived from maintenance! I miss it so! :B Haha During our car rides in Manila, I heard our favorite radio station, Magic 89.9, talk about what’s cool and not cool. They say that there are people who get DSLR’s because they think they’ll loo cool with it. They especially mention the FB people who takes pictures of themselves in the mirror using the said subject 😛 Haha

No, I’m not one of those people. I have a passion for photography ever since I laid eyes on those photos I see in the internet or those posters or billboards I see around me in the cities and wherever. I have learned photo editing and how to take good (not the best) pictures (other than filming and blahblah ugh, yep, so many hobbies). Dad loves photography too. As far as I can remember, he mentioned he liked to do “Photo-manipulation”. I kinda know the easy ones but beyond that is just mind-fucked 😐 seriously..i dont have time..oh well…

Since dad loves Photography (since I don’t know), he taught me the ways and even gave me CD tutorials of photo editing in photoshop (that’s how it all began), the loving father he is 🙂 thanks dad!

Without all the help from Dad, I wouldn’t be able to have this love of ART 🙂 I wouldn’t be able to like and be good at film, photo editing…well, that’s it…if not, I would only have drawing, writing and just use my imagination in creating my own movie ideas, music video ideas…


Well, since I have the DSLR back :), the first pictures…I can’t exactly remember but anyway, the highlight among the pictures were all the “Moon” ones. The past few days and like…I think, a day after our arrival here in CDO, we got to see a moon surrounded by a perfect halo.

It kinda looks like an eye for me. It amazes me but it creeps out my cousin and my mom. Haha don’t know why but if I look a little longer, yeah, there’s a reason to feel creepy about it. About my it-looks-like-an-eye comment, well, yeah, it looks like an eye diba (right)? I try to even imagine that it’s the eye of God. Ok, that’s scary…

But not as scary as the Helix Nebula a.k.a. “The Eye of God” O.o

When I saw it, it gave a tingle to my bones or something…even       goosebumps…eljdlelakslqkqsl~

Anyway…let’s keep our eyes away from the picture of Helix Nebula now and move on… (but it’s still beautiful, right? 🙂 haha)

After another few days, there was another night where the moon shines very bright and the condition of the clouds make it look like one of those nights in those werewolf movies or TV shows. Yeah, there would be that glistening, shadowy on one side cloud that covers a part of the moon. “Awooooo…” I would imagine a werewolf or wolf howling. Haha

The moon was beautiful so I have to take pictures of it :B


kinda blurry and filled with noise but yeah, I try to take the best I could 🙂

Hmm, might be hanging on to taking pictures of moon then Haha until I find a telescope (the one thing I want since I was in late grade school or early highschool years :\). I love stargazing. “Moongazing” (there’s no such word) is wonderful too 🙂

Looking up in the night sky is one of the most spectacular and amazing things in my life…in life. You just look up and the more you stare, the more you become a part of it. Then your mind states out questions, thoughts…while you’re mind sets in the feeling that you’re floating in space…in an eternity.

The night sky, the stars..they are all just beautiful 🙂

Empty Mess

I don’t know anymore. I just don’t know! I was tired all day. I was anxious all day. I heard voices all day. I was waiting. Waiting for the time where they are there for me. I was waiting for that moment where I know everything will be alright. They always make it better. First thing was I looked fine but in the inside I’m just agonized by these voices popping in my head. I controlled myself, aware that the people I love are around me…I just don’t want them to see me like this. They had enough to deal with. There are some who I know are so selfish to even bother me so why show how much I’m suffering when they just don’t fucking care.

This is so frustrating! So FUCKING frustrating! I hate this! I this so much! Why do I have to go through this? Mixed emotions and all that damn shit. I wish they would go away. I prayed to God to take my emotions all away. I could not take it. But I know he won’t because he wanted me to live with them….and it would be abnormal to do so…

I’m so messed up. I can’t even understand myself. Emotions and thoughts that I though I could control are out of my grasp, out of my hold. Double check. Double check. I always do that. I always check if it is logical to think this way or that way and I know I am this type of person…always so analytic.

First thing I know, I was kinda ok at school, at Lisboa eating dinner with friends…I came home and realize how silent I was…just like how it always was…like everyday…whenever I’m around people…it almost felt like you’re out of place. It’s like somehow you just don’t belong. I thought I don’t belong at one part but at some point, I didn’t expect, I would feel like it at the whole picture of society.

I couldn’t blame anyone. I just…i just blamed myself. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t open my mouth to say anything. I wish my cheery self, my happy-go-lucky personality will trigger at some point but I was apparently pushing myself. I tried to converse, speak loud and clear but then leads to being interrupted or complete ignorance. Well, I wasn’t treated like I am completely invisible. It felt like I was just at the sidelines. I was just going along for the ride, just eat lunch or eat dinner with them when I’m just so damn quiet.

I wish I was my hyper self….that girl in grade school who had no care in the world and with nothing or no one to ruin it. Why does this happen? Why would anyone want to hear me blabber? rant? cry? whatever! After everything I have seen through my entire life, it just felt like everyone is just selfish…no one cares. There would be people who say they care but they just lie. Ever since…ever since…I can never trust anyone. I don’t know who turn to…even though they say I can talk to them and such…it’s just…it’s just so fucking hard.

No one will do what I do to them. I have always been Ms. goody good. My mom always tells me “You’re too nice, Meg”. I wasn’t for long.  My mind was never nice….to me at  most. It is getting worse day by day. I don’t know how I can live through this. I have always been nice. It’s because I care for them. I just care too much. I wanted to love someone in order to be loved back. I didn’t know that but I have a feeling that’s what my intention was…absent-mindedly.

I remember a quote saying that I should do good things without expecting anything in return. I have been doing that all my life. All my life…but at some point, my mind just snapped. I was looking at reality. That was a quote. a quote. In here, it’s just so hard to ignore the fact doing these things without anything done in return…just makes me feel like I’m used.

I have always allowed myself to have people open up to me. In my heart, I just hate it when someone close to me, so close to me suffer such depression, such frustration, such problem. When someone I care gets depressed, I guess, I might’ve been depress but right above the line. When I can’t do anything, I just cry…cry all night until i fall asleep.

If you’re reading this, you might be one of those people…or maybe that one person…I wanted to reach out but it’s just so hard when you’re this kind of person to talk to and it’s hard to make you understand how much I want to help you, how much I care for you. You don’t know how much it hurts to see you suffer and I couldn’t get a fucking way to make you fucking listen and get it into your fucking head. Please listen! Would you stop thinking about how much you’re all fucked up when you can just open your eyes and see that someone is there standing helplessly at the side, wanting to comfort you.

One day, I realized how poor I was…how poor for me to be someone who would listen to your problems and help you in anyway I can…give advice that I know would help you…I thought of it as a game but at the same time with such huge sympathy and empathy all together…but as I look over myself…right at this room…what can make it worse if I were to stand in the middle of the room, crying tears of loneliness and pain. Sad image. How fucked up…

I got no one to talk to…

I know…even though you tell me I can talk to you about everything I am going through…I just can’t. I am so messed  up. I will forever be. You like it huh? Yeah, you tell me that I should stop thinking such but let’s face reality…let’s face the truth for once. I can never be cured. I am so damn fucking weird, different, and just plain–…. I just don’t want to talk because I don’t want to ruin anyone’s day. I don’t wanna burst someone’s mood. I don’t wanna ruin a happy feeling you’re getting…I don’t wanna get you all messed up along with me. You’re not worth it. I know, it’s so lame for me to think so. I’m sorry…

Tired aren’t ya? Tired of trying to put up with me? Tired of how hard headed I am. I’m sorry…

It’s just so hard to live on with so many voices in your head, with so many people living in you… but…I know I want something that I just don’t allow myself…

I just wish…

I wish I can scream. I wish I can run away. I wish I can just breathe. I wish I can be normal. I wish I can speak fluent tagalog, I wish I can be my cheery all the time, I wish the voices are gone…I wish someone is there I can talk to, I wish someone would embrace me until the pain just goes away, I wish someone understands me, I wish someone can relate to me, I wish someone would let me cry on his shoulder, I wish someone tells me everything is gonna be okay, I wish someone tells me I can trust him, I wish someone would make it go away, I wish someone would comfort me, I wish someone who doesn’t care of how messed up I am inside and out, I wish someone is there for me…

but that’s impossible…no one would do that especially when I’m just…nothing much in the crowd…

I’m just invisible…useless…

I’m so messed up…

Don’t come back for me, Don’t come back at all

Jar of Hearts
By Christina Perri 

I know, I can’t take one more step towards you
‘Cause all that’s waiting is regret
Don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you’re asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I’ve learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

And It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
‘Cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back
You’re lookin’ to get me back

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are? 

This is the one song that was following me since my debut and this is the first song I heard from Christina Perri. I thought it was one of those songs I don’t wanna hear. Well, I thought of checking it out and well…I relate to it. Somehow. This was dedicated to the person who introduced me to it. He was the one who sang it in my debut. It’s weird. He’s singing such an anger, heart broken, cheated on song in my debut.

Is he referring it to me? I don’t know with him.

Well, if he is, he’s so wrong…the table is turned in the wrong direction. He’s the one who broke my heart.

Last year—that  time I had a crush on him. I would make group messages just to catch his attention…the quote alone says it so. It would work. He would text me and it would make me smile. It felt like I was floating, winning…but quite near…just near. Then, this one time, it was few days before my 17th birthday…he texted that he was sad. I asked why. I guessed, it was because his girlfriend broke up with him. I even added a joking laugh at that.

My cellphone rang and I picked up. Well, what do you know! Such a coincidence. His girlfriend broke up with him. In that time, I was feeling excited, thinking this was a sign God is giving me. It turns out to be a different. On my birthday, as my family and I were leaving for a birthday night out to LKK, an unknown number called. I picked it up anyway. It was actually him.

The shy girl that I am, I was talking…somewhat…awkwardly. He just called just to say “Happy Birthday”. What girl wouldn’t be giddy about a guy calling her to say that? He said one of our friends reminded him and so he had to call. When I was in the car, I asked him why call me when he could just post in facebook or something. That’s when impulse started to develop once more. He told me he’s using UNLICOMBO, in this case, UNLICALL…and he usually uses it to call his ex-girlfriend. . .guh.

I may be disgusted now…but in that time, I was dying inside. I felt hope…but that wasn’t it. We were texting each other at that night. The main event, the climax, happened when my family and I were back home from a night out in Figaro (not on my birthday; sembreak). We exchanged a conversation that started in a mood for confessions. I don’t know what I was thinking. Right now, I couldn’t even remember what really happened or what we said to turn up into this now known bad memory.

All I know was I said it…in a way but not in those three words. He was the one who first said it. “Ok, goodnight. Ily, meg“.


I said mine. “Goodnight, ILY too”


“What? You love me?”


“You said it first”



“Never mind. Forget what I said, A*****” —-and that’s what I said. I sent those last two text messages. He didn’t reply. That was a Saturday. I was so impulsive, so stupid.

I was paranoid all the time when we were gonna enroll for the 2nd semester. My girl friends and I were lining up to get our PTA, Study Load, and Final Grades. We were just talking to past the time and not get irritated by the heat, and the waiting.

It was then he arrived. I froze. When one of my friends called out his name, my heart started feeling heavy at one second. I turned to him hesitantly. I waited. I waited for that recognition from his eyes. I waited for that difference between us….but that was hoping…too much hoping.

There was that difference…but not the difference I expected. He recognized me but then only leaving his first conversation after that incident a strange one. “Hi, Meg” He was giving that small smile. It was that same smile that was given to me when someone knew…and I know it will turn out bad…it always does for me.

And there I was…awkward in his presence. Awkward when I look at him, meet him, talk to him. I was dying. All that time, I knew it was…rebound. He used me. He thought of me as his ex-girlfriend just to heal the pain. He was pretending that I was her…through text. I was nothing to him. I was just…someone there to heal him.

I was used.

Now, we are still…friends. But never the same closeness with the special people in my life…of course. He sounded flirty at me once, days before my debut…but that was nothing to me anymore. He didn’t look attractive to me anymore. He’s now just a guy in my life who I know but nothing special…but just someone who reminds me of what I was like if I don’t be careful.

I don’t blame God. He was trying to show me another reality in life. It hurts…but I have grown stronger now. It has developed me. Unfortunately, this has also overwhelmed my trust issues. No one would collect from my jar of heart and use me. I hate being used. It drives me out of thinking of my purpose. It hurts to know that someone who I know just wants to use me for their own benefits. I don’t want that again.

I am someone…I’m a person. A reality.

When You’re Lonely

Empty Sky
By Simon Wilcox

Don’t you stop, hesitate at the door
You’re a country; you’re a village
And I break down at your border

You always close your eyes
When you’re trying to find the answer
You turn to me and smile
“Will you come a little closer?”

You see the skies are empty tonight
But I’ll surround you when you’re lonely
And you’ll believe in things –that you can’t see
Like air, faith, and sometimes me.

That’s enough. Yeah, we’ve been here before
You’re a teardrop; you’re an ocean
And I watch you from the shore

You always close your eyes
When you’re trying to find the answer
You turn to me and smile
“Will you come a little closer?”

You see the skies are empty tonight
But I’ll surround you when you’re lonely
And you’ll believe in thins—that you can’t see
Like air, and faith, and sometimes me.

Ohhh, Ohh, Oh,
 I’ll surround you when you’re lonely
I’ll surround you when you’re lonely
I’ll surround you when you’re lonely

Oooh, Oohh
I’ll surround you when you’re lonely
I’ll surround you (2x)
I’ll surround you when you’re lonely

You see the skies they’re empty tonight
Look at the skies they’re empty tonight
You see the skies they’re empty tonight
They’re empty—tonight

How did I end up listening to this song? I was just looking for the Finale – Danny Elfman audio video in youtube so I can download it but then this song has caught my eye “Empty Sky”. It’s the soundtrack of the movie “Brothers” (Starring Toby McGuire and Jake Gyllenhaal). I thought it would just be an instrumental  but it turns out to be a song.

As a music lover, I love songs because of different reasons and one of them is the lyrics. Mostly I love the lyrics because it has a relation to me. That’s why I kinda made a category named “Lyrical” over here.

This song is a message for a certain person in my life. It’s hard to communicate with him or even comfort him in times when he’s depressed. He gives me that heavy feeling in my torso whenever he is. It’s like…well, it is for the first time to feel this kind of heavy feeling of depression when he’s at that state…even online.

The message kinda tells, in my own want, that I am always here for you when you’re down, depressed or lonely. I know I may be something not that big to you but I will be there for you because I care.

The first underlined sentence up there “Don’t you stop; hesitate at the door”.

He shouldn’t hesitate to come to me in need of comfort. I may not be good at comforting or that much of an eyesight to you but I will still care for you and listen to you when you’re down.

“And I break down at your border”.

This has a way of explaining what I feel if I don’t do anything to help him at his times of depression. I am somehow out of his focus…like he doesn’t know I’m even there to comfort him, to help him. I have a hard time reaching out to him because of the boundary that’s there in front of his eyes. Because of this frustration, all my own mind and impulse can feel is to cry about it or be depressed about it.

I always check myself, ask questions, so as to think the next day that I cried for something worthy of it…not pointless, useless like it was before. I always ask myself about the situation.

“I’ll surround you when you’re lonely. You’ll believe in things–that you can’t see Like air and faith–and sometimes me.

Like I said, I will always be there for him (be there for anyone) when he needs me. I will try and try to reach out to him when he’s lonely, depressed and such. I have already told him that “I’m here for you” but I don’t think he sees me… Hopefully, he’ll realize, know, see things more brightly, and even see me at a different light…that I’m not only a sideline friend but someone who’s always there for him.

“Yeah, we’ve been here before”

This has always happened. He’s not the only one who feels down at times like these.

“You’re a teardrop; you’re an ocean And I watch you–from the shore”

Same thing but in a new view. I see him as someone fragile yet amazing at the same time. He’s someone ideal and great in his own ways. Although, as he becomes fragile, hurt, depressed or even lonely…I just watch him and feel so crushed inside to do so….wanting to help him but I don’t know why I hesitate. You’re just too big, too complex, too complicated for me to understand that I don’t know how to approach in your times of downcast, depression.

I don’t want to see you, feel you in pain again.

I’ll surround you, be there for you, when you’re lonely.